Darkness and Fog

The darkness never breaks,
The shadow never lifts.
Thoughts flutter in fog
Unable to escape.

The weight of all the anxiety,
Unfounded and real,
Press down like a cinder block,
No way for the pressure
To release.

A conspiracy of ravens
And a murder of crows
Flock in the trees
Beyond the yard.
Who are they here for?

Drowning in numbness,
Inside a dull throbbing pain.
Trying to remember why
I keep trying
To rekindle the flame.


If you enjoy my work and would like to support my efforts beyond just being a reader, please consider becoming a supporter on Patreon. By doing so, depending on the level of support you pledge, you can have early access to content, exclusive “behind the scenes” content, and other bonuses:


Running Away

You can run
Across dead leaves,
Through naked trees
In a dusk lit woodland
Off the trail,
Away from the crowd,
But you’ll never
Outrun your past
Without tripping
Over your destiny.


Isolated and Alone

Isolated: Alone.
Solitary confinement
In a crowded room.
Avoiding eye contact,
Yearning for a touch.
Afraid of contact,
Of judgment
When they realize
What you really are.


Answering the Call

Brush the moss off your shoulders,
Take flight, old nomad,
Though your feet have taken root.

They call to you,
And you must go.
They call you
Out of retirement from the road.
They need your help,
And you cannot refuse.
They call to you,
And you will go.

Hesitation, Self-doubt,
Its been so long, a lifetime ago.

Take up your staff,
Dust off your shoes.
They believe in you,
Even if you don’t.
They need a hero,
To lead them from the darkness,
To navigate he wilderness,
To lead them home.
Take to the road
As if you never left it.

They call to you,
And you must answer.


Laying Awake in the Darkness

I’ve felt old and ancient
Since I was 12 years old,
Worn out, road weary,
For reasons unexplained
Living in the Cleaver household
In an idyllic isolated Oregon valley.

It made me want to believe in reincarnation,
The only explanation for the
Spread thin butter feeling
That started in the 3rd grade
When I reasoned out
That death meant oblivion
Not fluffy clouds and angels,
Training myself not to think of it,
To fend off the icy black hole
Opening under my sternum,
Crushing everything within its event horizon.

I lay in bed, tears streaming cheeks,
meaninglesness pressing down; suffocating
I start to scream,
Pretending to have had a nightmare,
So my mother will come, hold, and console.
Unable to articulate the existential crisis
Of an 8 year old boy.


Awaiting Judgment (a Casecade)

I await their decision
Not knowing what to do,
Its out of my hands now.

They weigh and judge the facts,
Studying the letter of the law,
I await their decision.

With nothing but time to spend
I sit, fidget and try to distract my mind,
Not knowing what to do.

Even if I cry and scream,
Revisit every stupid mistake,
Its out of my hands now.


This is my first attempt at a Cascade.

Isolation #2 (Tetractys)

by myself,
in a crowd of
people, anxiety, and suffering.


This poem started life as the first draft of Isolation, but I couldn’t get the syllable count to fit the tetractys form. I ended up starting over and writing a new tetractys on the same theme. After letting it rest for a few days I came back to the first draft and was able to complete it.

Poem #24 for National Poetry Writing Month (aka #NaPoWriMo)

High Water Rising

High water rising,
Gently caress my collar bone,
Drip drops and patient streams
Wear away granite stones.

Darkness claustrophobic
Wet wool weighs down,
Fingers bleed climbing garages,
Trying desperately not to drown.

Flood waters flowing,
Creeping the curve of my lips,
Neck stretched, stomach clenched,
Knees knocking atop toe tips.

Rivers run deep and muddy,
The valley floor will disappear,
Thunder shakes to the marrow,
Lightening crackles the atmosphere.

Lips pursed tight,
Almost as tight as my asshole,
Struggle to nose above the water,
This is the way the dice roll.


Darkness at the Break of Noon

When does it become too much to bear?
Flood gates threaten to burst,
Held whole by will alone,
Saltwater streams sting
Eyes screwed shut to damn the flow.

No one can see, No one must know.

Weight pressing down,
Dull pressure gripping; squeezing.
Pinned to the ground,
Getting hard to breathe.
It would be so easy to just stop.


Warmth (a haiku)

Wrapped in a blanket,
Warm, safe; nothing can hurt me.
Don’t want to get up.